Musings on Social Networking

This post is a reply to the overwhelming response (TWO people, one on facebook, and one here - thanks Karen and Rads) to my FB-closedown announcement.

As I muse more over my position in the grand scheme of social networking, I realise that "privacy" is not really my issue.  I blog about my life here - I don't even know who many of my readers are - how private can that be?  No. My problem is not (entirely) with privacy.

Social networking like facebook and twitter are built on the basic premise that its users like to chit chat.  Make small talk.  During my childhood, my mother who was in her thirties, as I and most of my friends are now, would take me to our neighbour's house every evening. While I played with the kids, she chatted with the "Aduthaathu maami", cutting vegetables, rolling appalams and in general, bonding estrogenically - a practice that many psychology experts claim to be therapeutic.   Yes, gossiping was certainly a part of it, but that was not all. They swapped recipes, child care worries, music talk, movie talk, family woes and everything else, with no judgments attached.

Now, we don't sit over the cutting board in the veranda of our neighbour's house, chatting. From the comfort of our homes, we facebook. We twitter. Apparently "bonding", although it seems there is a lot more testosterone thrown into what used to be predominantly  female activity.  Only, now, vegetables don't get cut during the process, appalams don't get rolled, and it is a group activity, where, everybody seems to be talking, and no one paying any more attention to it than the quick 2-second cursory glance and 1-second reply.

This is ok for most people. But some of us have a rather sensitive attention span.  Momentary sound bits cannot penetrate the thicker skull.  Most often, when I open up my fb or twitter (that I closed down some months ago, for the same reason),  I am of a reasonably tranquil state of mind. As I spend more and more time, the ripples become larger and larger until the wave of too much disjoint information, too briefly delivered, threaten to engulf me.  And for a long time after I close it down,  the waves lash about, making logical, coherent thoughts impossible.

Is it my job requirement, or my own mental deficiency that my thoughts have to be linear? Multi-tasking the brain is not my forte.  I am not as good as, say, my dude, in holding on to a thread of thought for a very long time; my threads are shorter, but they ARE threads, nevertheless, not knots.  Perhaps that is why I find blogging easy, for I am able to take a thought through a certain length of time so that it makes some sense to me.  My friends will tell you that even my mails are long; they have to be because that is the only way my brain can even identify a thought or a fact.  So, when I open my FB, and discover that A has had his second baby, before the thought is registered (it didn't, I read the news yesterday, but I have forgotten the baby's name already), I read that B and C from another era of my life met over coffee, and by the time I can react to it, I find that D has a question on entrepreneurship that I can answer, and E has sent me a message filling me on details of her life so far and asking for mine. Yes, A, B, C, D and E are all dear to me.  I want to address each one of them, but by now, my mind is not even thinking clearly and I am jumpy already.

Now what would have happened if I had gotten all these messages by email?  I'd read an email, address it, take necessary action and go on to the next.  I'd remember A's second baby's name because I spent more than the customary 2 second that I did on FB. Why can't I do it for my FB or twitter?  I don't know. Maybe it is all there in the open, enticing me, shouting for my attention.  Picture yourself sitting in the middle of the room, there is M.S. Subbulakshmi singing "Rangapura Vihara" on one side,  John Lenon with his Imagine on the other, P.G.Wodehouse in your hands, and Friends is on T.V.  Just thinking about such a scenario gives me a headache.

Perhaps I have ADD. 

But that is not all (Read the part above that says my thoughts are threads).  I find social networking bordering rudeness.  No, I am not the self-centered, mal-adjusted, egomaniac that can't handle rejection.  But I need to know that I am rejected, not kept in a limbo, not knowing what my status with people is.  Just because X accepted my invitation, am I part of his life now, even though he hasn't really commented on any of my entries yet?   Y, who was my close friend in school, would not accept my invitation, although she has accepted Z's AFTER I had sent her mine - didn't she see mine? Or did I do something to offend or alienate her?  So, why does she not just reject my invitation? At least there would be closure.   Q sent me an invitation, who on earth is Q?  She seems to be in the neighbourhood of all my friends, so, she must be someone I knew.   Why does E write to F and not to me ?  

If you get the image of me constantly obsessing over such matters, you are wrong.  But in the course of my FB time, such fleeting thoughts do whizz past along with the seventy nine 2-sec thought bytes that cruise in and out.  And I don't like it.  I would much rather have fleeting thoughts such as "this would be a good blog post topic" or "I need to file this thought for later proposal use", or "graphene is such a cool discovery worth the nobel" if at all I don't mind thoughts that fleet, which I do, by the way.

And here is the last reason to close down. Social networking sites numb your perseverance and kill your patience.  I am going to cross-post this blog entry on facebook.  50% of my FB contacts will click and arrive.  But I am willing to bet that not more than two or three will actually read this post fully, once they see how long it is. Facebook and twitter have justified, even glorified laziness and delineated, incoherent thoughts. We would much rather spend five minutes jumping from person to person than the same time reading (or worse, creating) something that requires a certain amount of consistent effort and concentration.  It has reached a level where nothing ever registers any more.  When dude deleted his very active twitter account, none of his 580 twitter "followers" even realised he was gone and kept addressing him in their tweets for a while - goes to show you the level of sincerity and observation powers in social networking.

I sometimes get disillusioned that I don't get enough comments to justify my blogging. But at the moment, I'd much rather blog, even without encouraging response because I am spending some effort and time in it. That is a reward in itself. 

Perhaps my Alzheimer can thus be a delayed by a few hours.

(replace the television with Social Networking and it would still make a lot of sense)

Comments

[rads]

I read the whole thing. I agree, and I absolutely understand coz believe it or not, I have been there and am there to an extent on certain points you've touched on.

Understandably, we all do what works for us. The ones with a good brain over their square shoulders that is. The ones who have figured out how they work and why they do what they do are most definitely at a higher ground wrt peace and content.

You definitely seem to have found it, and that is commendable. :-)

You are a good clear writer - am sure that technical logical part of your brain in your writing profession has helped u immensely in other areas of life as in here, and no you do not have ADD. You have as much ADD as I do :)
You value quality and give a thought and relationship its due worth in time and thought. As you rightly guessed, that specie is dwindling, and am there right there with you! :)

I can write more and will, later :)

[Suman]

A nice analytical piece Lakshmi..! I find FB and Twitter as time pass - to record some fleeting thoughts and to help me keep in touch with folks that I wouldn't otherwise be in touch. But you are right, if I were to disappear from FB today, not a soul would miss me. I

[Account Deleted]

Great post. I enjoy FB for just touching base with people quickly but I spend much more time reading blogging posts. I apologize that I forget, at times, to go to my google reader and I miss you because you are at typepad. I am trying to be more faithful in getting over here. I enjoy reading your posts!

[purplesque]

Ha ha..I've said this before, but it bears repetition. You are brave.

You've described what is the biggest 'issue' with social networking. I still have trouble letting go, though, for two reasons- one, the age old fear of being left behind while interesting things happen in my 'neighborhood'; and two, the fact that interesting things, thought provoking things, fun things do happen on these social networks, much like they happened in kitchens and living rooms years ago.

[LG]

Rads, Suman, Freedom, Purplesque, Karen (who wrote privately) and AK (who I know read this fully), (and a few others who choose to be silent)
Thanks for reading the post . You know what is interesting, you are the people that have ALWAYS visited here, read fully, and commented even before/without facebook access. My facebook has not brought any more new, dedicated, committed readers. Proves that the two genres are mutually exclusive, even if some of you are there as well.
And yes, I axed my FB A/C. This time, not just "Deactivated" it but cut the roots as well. If anyone else on FB wants to delete her account ("Gasp ! This woman is an anarchist"), go here- http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=delete_account.
I am happy at my blog and with my email. I don't need any more social networking.

[kc]

As long as you keep writing here...

hugs,

[AK]

I liked it, you really nailed a lot of the issues I have with FB, and in a coherent way that I have not been able to do!

I always read all of them, even if I don't comment much... you know how my mind works!

[Account Deleted]

haiyya..that means more posts on this blog??..Am a longtime silent reader but started commenting only after you moved to typepad. (fyi..am not on your facebook and bloghopped here from your dude's blog).

byw..your frequency of posts have increased after you've moved to type-pad and as a rasikan am happy......

[LG]

Aravind, thanks for delurking. "Rasikan" is a very flattering word, thank you.

I wrote just as frequently in VOX, but many of my posts were restricted to my neighbourhood. Since you did not have a VOX account in my neighbourhood, you would not have seen them and only read my rarer public posts.

Typepad does not have the option of restricting specific posts and hence all my posts are out there. I now just take care that I don't expose too much of my family to the open internet world.

[LG]

KC, thanks. I intend to keep writing.

[Rama]

My My... what an out pour! But definitely meaningful. I am one of the many who took up to FB on peer pressure. Just to see what it is. I saw and realized that it doesn't suit me. I however would not be able to write down the reasons for it not suiting me in such a lucid manner. Though I hardly visit FB, I intend to be there as a passive observer for - I don't know how long.

And am glad am in that circle which reads your post "fully" and quite often (if not daily). I enjoy it Laks - so go on and keep us happy.

[UmaS]

I was smiling through ur threads and A,B,C,D,E,F,....Z friends but I can understand how it gives u the stress. Even though I still maintain my FB for the connect with my blog friends mainly, I am myself only in my blogs...that is where I express myself totally without being interrupted with another story or thought or reply !!!
If its gud for u, then it is. Am glad.