What I describe below, I swear to God, is a true event. No part of it is my imagination.
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Midmorning. The lady of the house is franctic. How can a ten minute delay in waking up in the morning snowball into an hour's delay in everything else? The domestic maid needs tea. The garbage collectors ring the bell for their "Deepavali inaam", lunch is not even planned yet, let alone being made, the two reviews that are 2 days overdue have become mutant, the deadline that is fast approaching pricks her now and then, damp clothes lie all around the house, giving the entire house a typically monsoonish odour that will soon give her a headache, her husband, who has been working from home, wants some clarification on a document, she needs to leave a little earlier to school because it is raining and usually during rains, there is a traffic jam, and no place to park, which means that she needs to finish cooking lunch in another half an hour..and so on, until the stress threatens to explode somewhere.
trrrrrrinnnnnnnnngggg.
The cell phone rings announcing an unkown number. The lady is pretty paranoid when she gets an unknown number when the kid is away at school because she always imagines the worst - could it be the teacher calling to say that the kid is ill? Did they leave school early because of the rains?Or is someone in the family ill and the doctor is trying to get to me? Or someone urgently needs A +.
Lady (L): Hello
Male voice (MV): Am I speaking to L?
L: Yes.
MV: I am so-and-so calling from XYZ Bank. We believe you have a credit card with our bank, and in view of your stellar performance, we want to upgrade you to our premium membership.
The lady is taken aback. This is big. She switches off all four burners - sits on the dining chair comfortably, and says "yeah go ahead".
MV: You have been our member for a year now, and we want to to show our appreciation by upgrading you.
L: How would you do that?
MV: If you pay us Rs,. 6500, we will upgrade your account, give you a couple of free tickets to fly to Mumbai, and membership in a membership club at half the cost. We will also send you a gift package with two watches made by some international brand.
L: About this membership, what club membership would that be?
MV: We will give you membership in club A, club B, club C, and in addition the option of styaing in fivestar hotels in all major cities in India at discounted rates.
L: So, what are the cities that I can stay in?
MV: City A, City B, City C, City D, City E, City F
L: What about city G and City H?
MV: You can stay in City I, which is close to city G. We don't have city H in our membership now, but it will come soon.
L: So, what kind of hotels can I stay in city B and city C?
MV: You can stay in hotel M Hotel N and O in city B and Hotel Z in Hotel C.
L: Can I also use the card for hotel L in city M?
MV: Sorry ma'am, I don't know that. If you want I can find out.
L: Yes please do.
[[silly music]]
MV: I am sorry ma'am, that city is not covered.
L: Why is that?
MV: I am sorry ma'am I don't know.
L: So how long can I stay in these cities?
MV: You can stay for three days.
L: All my life?
MV: No, within the next seven months.
L: So what happens after seven months
MV: The offer expires.
L: OK, what is the watch like? Is it a digital watch or the regular one?
MV: Regular
L: And does it have a leather strap or metal strap?
MV: Metal
L: would that be gold plated or sliver?
MV: I am not sure, if you stay on hold, I can find out.
L: OK, find out.
[[Silly music]]
MV: Madam, it is gold plated
L: Fantastic.
MV: So, can I charge your card and send you the welcome package?
L: No, thank you. I am not interested.
Stunned silence.
MV: I am sorry, I didn't hear you properly.
L: I said I am not interested in the upgrade.
MV: Are you sure ma'am.
L: Yes I am.
MV: Oh
L: Anything else?
MV: No ma'am.
[[Click]]
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Sure, the lady's work was delayed further. But she dedicated the morning to the time she rushed out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, with soap all over, because the darn cell wouldn't stop ringing and she wondered if it were an emergency, only to answer a marketing voice. The time when she was trying to break her head over a proposal and just when she thought she was seeing a thread somewhere, a customer service representative promised to deliver a song she does not even like on her mobile for Rs. 3/month. The many times she had to pull over while driving on the road, just because someone wanted to sell her something on the phone.
Revenge can be sweet.
Lol.Too funny. I like your sense of humour,
Posted by: jane | 10/29/2010 at 05:33 PM
Good for you!
Posted by: Suman | 10/29/2010 at 10:41 PM
LOL..Go you!
The phone marketeers here in the phoren have adapted a new-ish approach. When I tell them I need to consult my husband about the purchase, they say in shocked tones..'You need to ask him? About this?'Clearly implied is- 'You're a doormat!'
The next time it happens, I'm going to tell them he beats me with a lead pipe if I buy something without telling him.
Posted by: purplesque | 10/30/2010 at 09:49 PM
Was it you that received this phone call? At any rate, what a terrific story. LOL!!! I would like to see the guys face. That is just terrific :D
Posted by: Account Deleted | 10/31/2010 at 02:23 AM
Jane, if you had seen me then, you'd know what "livid" means.
Suman, thanks.
Purp: ROFL. When you tell them that, please record the conversation and podcast it. I'd like to hear his/her response.
Freedom, Yes, very much me. I wouldn't be surprised if he quit his job.
Posted by: LG | 10/31/2010 at 08:01 AM
Great idea. Will try it some time.
Posted by: Inbavalli | 10/31/2010 at 11:10 PM
Ha! Much better than my approach! When I asked a telemarketer to remove my number from his call list he replied (and this is a quote) "My call list? Sweetheart, I don't know what you are talking about. The only call list I have is for my Friday night dates, and I'm pretty sure you are not on it." Did I mention that this call was not to my home, or even my cell phone. It was to my work number. I was so stunned. But I have their number now. I answer the phone and talk gibberish for a few minutes and the hang up. Maybe I'll try your approach tomorrow.
Posted by: AK | 11/04/2010 at 03:19 AM
hahahha...Awesome :)
Posted by: Prasanna Narasimhan | 11/06/2010 at 06:12 PM